In 2005, I originally published the book, The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World, that chronicles much of my personal journey and learning about overcoming shame. It has been my privilege to work with hundreds of gay men as a psychologist and coach who were truly eager to live lives without the influence of the corrosive shame that so many of us carry from our childhoods.

I’ve dedicated much of my professional career to understanding these differences and to pursuing the solutions to some of the more unique and perplexing problems of gay life that can hold us back from realizing our dreams for life and love.Īt some point in our lives, each one of us can use some support and guidance. It was clear, both then and now, that there are some big, and sometimes confusing differences between ourselves and other men. As a young gay man, I found very little guidance on what it means to be a content gay man. It is up to us to discover how to find joy, love, meaning, friends and our own family as gay men.įor the past 25 years, I have worked with gay men from all walks of life who have been blazing the trail for us with their own triumphs and struggles. We don’t have the traditions, the social structures or the mentors to show us the way as do other men in our various cultures. As exciting as this history making is, it has also put us in uncharted territory. Around the globe there is a growing acceptance of what it means to be a gay man.

Hypervigilance (heightened sensitivity to possible traumatic stimuli).Never before in history has there been a time when it was truly possible to live an open, visible life as a gay man like so many of us do today.

A feeling of not having any future (foreshortened future) not expecting to have a career, get married, have children, or live a long life.

Limited affect such as inability to cherish loving feelings.

Feeling of a lack of interest or expulsion by others.

Marked reduced interest in important activities.Inability to remember some important aspect of the trauma (psychogenic amnesia).Efforts to avoid activities or situations that arouse memories of the trauma.Efforts to avoid thoughts or feelings that are associated with the trauma.Reliving the trauma: This can happen through nightmares, flashbacks, or reexperiencing as a result of being in the presence of stimuli reminiscent of the traumatic event.“The experience of psychological trauma, as is typically diagnosed (posttraumatic stress disorder ), has at least some of the following symptoms:

The velvet rage by alan downs